I got back from Nicaragua about 4 days ago and have been desperately trying to collect myself before I head off to the countryside for a month to work on a farm, living with a new family. I leave in 3 days. I honestly don´t know what to say at this moment in time and I apologize to those who have been reading. This is a blog, and I´m supposed to write everything, but I know justice wouldn´t be done. As of this moment, I have a little over a month left here in Central America and I´m still not quite sure why I feel an emptiness inside. Don´t get me wrong, I´ve have some incredible experiences, made some unforgettable relationships, and been introduced to some life altering concepts and realities.... yet there´s still something missing. I love being here. I´ve said that before. Yet, i´m still just unsure exactly what needs to take place in my heart for me to feel ¨right¨. Maybe its cuz for the first time when i came back from Nicaragua, i missed home. Or maybe its perhaps i´m not quite sure what to make of my 5 day experience with my Nicaraguan family, who adored me with nothing but a self-less love and unending generosity. And at the same time, i have so much invested here with my family in San Jose that I´m not terribly excited to leave them for a whole month to go live out in the campo with another family. I know it will be good, but like i told my parents in an email, I feel like my heart is being torn into pieces and those pieces are being left here and there, and with these people that i long to know. In the same breath, not being fluent in Spanish seems to prevent me from really having the time of experience I wanted in the first place, seemingly because so much of what goes on here seems to depend on my ability to understand and communicate.

I would try and tell you about Nicaragua, but i won´t. I´ll wait til another day, perhaps in person. I love you all. I am so blessed to be here. Sometimes and many times I wish it were easier and not so much of a challenge, but I suppose that´s not the point. Thanks for your prayers, thoughts, and comments. I may not have any more chances to blog until Cuba in December, but til then, I´ll do my best.