I got back from Nicaragua about 4 days ago and have been desperately trying to collect myself before I head off to the countryside for a month to work on a farm, living with a new family. I leave in 3 days. I honestly don´t know what to say at this moment in time and I apologize to those who have been reading. This is a blog, and I´m supposed to write everything, but I know justice wouldn´t be done. As of this moment, I have a little over a month left here in Central America and I´m still not quite sure why I feel an emptiness inside. Don´t get me wrong, I´ve have some incredible experiences, made some unforgettable relationships, and been introduced to some life altering concepts and realities.... yet there´s still something missing. I love being here. I´ve said that before. Yet, i´m still just unsure exactly what needs to take place in my heart for me to feel ¨right¨. Maybe its cuz for the first time when i came back from Nicaragua, i missed home. Or maybe its perhaps i´m not quite sure what to make of my 5 day experience with my Nicaraguan family, who adored me with nothing but a self-less love and unending generosity. And at the same time, i have so much invested here with my family in San Jose that I´m not terribly excited to leave them for a whole month to go live out in the campo with another family. I know it will be good, but like i told my parents in an email, I feel like my heart is being torn into pieces and those pieces are being left here and there, and with these people that i long to know. In the same breath, not being fluent in Spanish seems to prevent me from really having the time of experience I wanted in the first place, seemingly because so much of what goes on here seems to depend on my ability to understand and communicate.

I would try and tell you about Nicaragua, but i won´t. I´ll wait til another day, perhaps in person. I love you all. I am so blessed to be here. Sometimes and many times I wish it were easier and not so much of a challenge, but I suppose that´s not the point. Thanks for your prayers, thoughts, and comments. I may not have any more chances to blog until Cuba in December, but til then, I´ll do my best.

Leal

It´s been almost 2 weeks since my last post. I apologize to those who have been faithfully reading. I probably won´t have many opportunities to post in the next while, but i´ll do my best to keep the line open. I´ll cut to the chase. I leave for Nicaragua on Monday for about 2 weeks, with the purpose in mind to rip open my heart and catch everything I see, hear, taste, smell, touch... everything I experience as I share life with people who have nothing. Nothing. Afterwards, we return to San José for about a week, and then we embark upon our concentrations, where I´ll be living in the campo for almost 4 weeks, in a community of about 20 families, about an hour away from the nearest civilized town. The mother is severely ill with cancer and has 2 kids. I´ll be working on a farm, mainly of naturally grown crops such as yuca, corn, etc. as well as cutting down trees illegally. That will be the month of November. After that, we return to our families in San José one last time for about 4 days, and then hopefully, my concentration travels to Cuba for 10 days and then we return to Miami in earlier December. Stop this train. Life is running fast.

We finally finished our Core Seminar as well as our 6 week long Language course yesterday. The last 2 weeks of class proved to be just about as overwhelming as you can get. I´m just glad the ¨stuff¨is over. But that also means the chunk of life here in San Jose with our families is over as well. In the same breath as being ready to experience what lies ahead in Nicaragua and beyond, I´m sincerely torn about having to leave my family here. Just when life with them begins to settle, when relationships become more than the words misspoken, misunderstood, and lost in translation, I´m required to leave. Once again, this reality is an aspect of this life I´ve experience before and it isn´t fair. When your heart is taught to love, yet it doesn´t take into account that your time is limited, your actual presence is only temporary. Sometimes it feels like a cruel joke. I guess that´s what you get in this life. Know that nothing stays the same. Yet somehow, everytime the heart is pierced, it runs back to the Place where trust and ¨confianza¨ remain. Sometimes hindsight can only bring purpose. But I am so grateful to be here. As high as the heights and as low as the lows have been, I am here, in this moment. For life is a life of moments. And He is loyal.